Swingers Guide for Single Men
Although the swinging scene is dominated by couples, there is still room in it for single males. Most clubs have couples only nights but many also have nights where single guys can attend and there are a surprising number of couples looking for single guys through swingers' contacts websites - take a quick look at couples seeking guys in the Sydney area if you think that sounds unlikely!
So how do you find success as a single guy looking for some adult fun in Australia? Here are a few guidelines written by a long term swinging couple.
Adult Contacts/Dating on the Internet
Initially we will concentrate on this route rather than clubs as it is relevant to more people, particularly if you live outside one of the main cities where a lot of the clubs tend to be. When going via this route you need to choose your website carefully but there really are only a few choices in Australia.
Red Hot Pie
To start negatively, absolutely don't waste your money on Red Hot Pie. This site is aggressively promoted all over the place but in 2010 was found guilty in court of faking nearly 1400 single female profiles to attract men to sign up. We covered the full story here but sufficient to say that this is not the place to invest your money if you are serious about meeting swingers. Not only did their scam specifically target single males, it made many females and couples very suspicious of the site and lots of genuine swingers went elsewhere to meet people.
A contacts site run by the company behind the most successful swingers' site in the UK. This is free for the moment as it is still quite small in terms of members and the idea is presumably to build a customer base by giving free subscriptions then start charging at a later date when they can show a large membership to prospective paying customers. Whether it will remain free for members who signed up before they start charging is not clear. They have a video chat room and you can use the contacts and messaging system and view photo profiles without reaching for your wallet.
However, and this is a big however, the problem is with free sites is that many serious women and couples often deliberately avoid them like the plague because they are full of single men who are so lazy or uncommitted about meeting people that they can't even be bothered to pay a few dollars for a subscription to a swinging site. We have been on several free swingers' websites in a couple of countries and can honestly say we have never met anyone other than time wasters and dreamers through them. For a couple looking for a single guy it really is like failing an interview by wearing thongs and shorts instead of a suit, you're out before you've even started because free membership sites attract everyone who just can't be bothered to pay for the chance to meet people.
One positive thing about free sites is that they can be great for bi-sexual guys to meet other bi guys, so if this is you, Swingers Heaven is definitely worth a try.
There are a few other free sites around but to be honest they aren't worth even looking at.
Adult Match Maker
This is Australia's biggest swingers site and the place everyone went to after the Red Hot Pie fake profile revelations came to light, its also the one Swingers Heaven is trying to compete with. In short it is the best place to go because it is a paid site that keeps out a lot of the time wasters and has the largest and most active membership base of any adult contacts site in Australia.
You can try before you buy by taking a look at the people in your area and you can also see when they were last on line which is important because some sites peddle endless dead profiles as a way to increase the perceived number of members. Adult Match Maker inevitably must have some of these too as they claim over 2 million members (which would mean 1 in 10 Australians are on it which seems rather optimistic to say the least!) but whatever the actual number of active swingers, this site has the largest user base in the country and is the best place for single males to start without any doubt. They have a chat room, that is much more active than the Swingers Heaven one and a good user friendly messaging and profiles browsing system.
Maximizing Your Chances
So if you sign up on one of these sites, what's the best way to be successful? It really is pretty simple, which is why it is so utterly astonishing that so many single guys don't make a better job of it! The following steps will put you head and shoulders above 90% of the guys looking for some free good lovin'.
- Put some profile photos up. Nobody is interested in people and especially guys, without pictures and try to make them at least a little tasteful and in focus.
- Don't put up endless pictures of your penis! Women and couples might like to see your willy but in the context of a full body shot or with other photos, endless cock shots just don't do it for most women and couples.
- Show your face if you feel comfortable with it (though this can be a sensitive issue obviously) and consider having facial shots in private albums that you can invite selected people to view. Mention you have these photos available in any adverts or approaches to people so that they can see you are discrete but open to the right people.
- Read peoples profiles and/or adverts! Please, please, this is so important! There are lots of single guys around and couples can pick and choose so spend a few minutes to read what they have to say and write a friendly, respectful, open and honest message that is relevant to what the woman/couple are looking for. This also avoids your message seeming like a standard copy and paste approach that has been sent to dozens of people.
- Similarly, don't send winks, nudges, pokes or one liners through the messaging system they are a waste of time, many people have them turned off and a lot more just ignore them.
- If couples have more than one ad, read all of them, including the ones that are not directly relevant to you as they will arm you with additional information to help understand their sexual motivations which means you will be able to approach them more successfully.
- Be open to phone contact early on. A five minute conversation can help people decide if they want to meet much more easily than twenty emails. It is also a good way of sifting time wasters or picture collectors.
- Be open and be clear you are ready to initially meet potential play mates on neutral ground in a social rather than sexual context. This can often gain you a good deal of trust, particularly with less experienced swingers who are a little nervous or cautious. It also suggests you are interested in people as people not just sexual playthings. The swinging scene is exceptionally social, if you wish to enter it, it is very important to understand this from the beginning and act accordingly.
- Be realistic, take a look in the mirror and have the courage to be honest. Are you a 50 year old guy with a beer belly contacting a 22 year old couple who say they want toned young men? Are the people you are contacting really likely to find you attractive? This process can be a little hard but it will save you wasted time - time you could possibly use to go to the gym and work on that belly ;-)
- Use the site chat rooms. This is a very good opportunity to interact with people directly and in real time. You can have conversations with them in a form other than email and you can get to know them in an environment that is non sexual if they want it to be. Many people do openly play on cam for or with the room in general or privately but very often it is a way of meeting people and building a relationship over time, firstly in a non sexual manner. It will help enormously if you have a webcam (and turn it on!) and this will be a very positive first step in building a relationship.
Finally, don't give up and think of every single approach you make to a couple as being an investment and put some effort into it. Swingers have networks of friends and playmates and often they would much rather play with someone who has been recommended to them by people they trust than a stranger they have no connection with. If you make a good connection and have a nice time, doors can open, in fact many more doors than you ever thought possible if you strike it lucky with the right couple. This is why every single approach you make should be done with some effort and viewed as a long term investment. This is one of the biggest mistakes many single guys make as they tend to view the process of "scoring" the same as they would when trying to pick up a woman in a bar. OK, if you do get to have a one night stand with her that's one thing but almost certainly she isn't going to recommend you to sleep with four of her friends - a swinging couple might very well do this or something similar and it is for this reason you need to put in more effort than you would in the "normal" world.
If after all that you think you might to give it a go, take a look at the Adult Match Maker Sydney members currently seeking partners: